The Friend Crush: Is this love or friendship

By | February 9, 2010

He is your friend. She's your best confidant. She has known for a few years and have shared meals, movies, hobbies and vacations. Entrusted to each other about their love interest and turned to each other for support when the relationship (s) failed. You can not imagine life without your good friend.

But for a while ….

You felt jealous of his dates. You have been too protective of her since she has been seeing the jerk. You've had
very strong feelings of attraction and desire for something more than friendship. Could it be that her feelings for him / her have become something more? If so, their relationship would have become crush a "friend".

You do not know what to do. You know you want to continue spending time together longer. But it is getting hard. You dream about having more with this person and are starting to feel like a jealous would-be partner. Do you have what it seeks is the same? You begin to distance themselves from their feelings, hopes to return to the way they were? Do you actually speak directly and honestly with your friend about how you feel?

What happens to the relationship if you make the wrong choice?

Like all people are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one size fits all answer to this increasingly common dilemma. So let's look at your options. You can:

* Ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend everything is status quo

To choose this option, you must be able to deny their feelings so well that even you do not know what they are. You also need to remain comfortable on the sidelines while someone else has the relationship with this person you want. Most likely be asked what you think of this or that person is expected to be happy and supportive of his friend when they meet the right someone for them. In return for all this, you still have your friend.

* Begin to spend less time with your friend (Crush), while the search for new friendships to pursue and strengthen the

This option would most likely cause of the confusion and pain in his friend who wonder what happened. You can understand and accept their need to spread their wings and support you in doing what you need to do. Either way, you will see fewer of them and your relationship can weaken and perhaps disappear as they move in with new people. If you can get away for a while and no longer feel the romantic butterflies, you always can give them a call and may be able to pick up somewhere near where you left off.

* Continue the relationship with their own hidden agendas – a desire for romantic intimacy and the hope that the person will notice that they feel the same way

If they get involved with someone else, meanwhile, can work to sabotage her new relationship or you can leave them wondering where all your anger and hurt feelings are coming from. You can spend much time and energy in managing this way, with nothing to show for their efforts, but the loss of a good friend.

* Have an open and honest with your friend about his new feelings for them

That option seems to be the most difficult for people to do. Often what I hear from people in this position is that the fear of "ruining the friendship" if talking about their feelings honestly. While this is a very understandable concern, it is well thought out. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Each one will bring a change in your current friendship.


Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship.Ignoring them, hiding them or diminish their closeness and distance the positive dynamics that flow between good friends. You can not go back. You must decide how best to go ahead or whether it is an option for you. . It is also possible in choosing this option you will learn that they have similar feelings to those who were afraid to reveal. Therefore, choosing this option could lead to romance and a love relationship based on true friendship.

The intimacy that exists in all intimate relationships. It is the ability to be completely open and vulnerable to another without fear of damage or rejection. So, by definition, can not be intimate with another while hiding or denying our true feelings and needs them.

The choice is yours forever. Choose wisely this is really knowing the options, the consequences they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.



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